Missing Faces
by Stories are where memories go
Summary: While still struggling with the Doctor's new face, Clara receives an unexpected visit from the past.
1. Chapter 1

Clara sat cross-legged on the bed in her room grading papers from an essay on classical literature assigned the week before. The results were in and demanding far more time than she would have liked for reading over each paper with their grammatical errors and poor theses. Not that she had particularly bad students. It is merely hard to breeze past even the smallest issues when one specialises in the perfection of writing.

The sound of a familiar wheezing groan overwhelmed the tiny space of the apartment. It wasn't Wednesday, but it also wasn't the first time the Doctor had arrived on the wrong day. A smile spread across Clara's face, the mere excitement of awaiting adventures already spiking her adrenalin. And of course, there was her Doctor. She hesitated only a moment when the thought of her papers pricked at her mind, but, she reasoned, it was a time machine, and bringing her work with her could actually save her evening.

Clara gathered her things, dashing out the door and into the lounge. The sun was setting through the window, creating a romantic glow behind the beloved TARDIS. She paused for admiration then took a step closer, and then a halt. She remembered. The Doctor, her Doctor was not inside there. It had been a month since his regeneration since everything with the clockwork man in Victorian London and the number of plot-twisting actions from the Doctor. Clara had had three weeks since the ditching in Glasgow to mull over the new face, as well as a first official adventure and an extra week to get used to the character change. Still...

The squeaky door of the Tardis pulled her from her thoughts as the now grey head of the Doctor poked out.

"What are you doing out here? Is your heel stuck?"

Clara faltered a moment at the surprise, "No, sorry. Just admiring the sunset."

The Doctor ducked back into the ship, leaving Clara to follow. Upon entering, the Doctor began babbling off the list of potential locations to visit. Clara sat in the jump seat, not fully listening, using this opportunity of not running for her life to study his new features again. No matter how many times she did it, there always seemed to be the discovery of a new line, a realisation of the true lack of similarity to her previous Doctor.

"Well? Where do you want to go?" the Doctor's voice broke in again.

"Oh, uh, you pick. Whatever's different."

The Doctor nodded as the cogs of his brain began turning. "Different..." he said, already logging in the coordinance. "Different it is!"

The two travelers trudged back into the Tardis four days later, Clara dressed in a commoner's Chinese garbs and both covered in dirt. They had wound up in ancient China inside a small village during a festival. As it happened, they also arrived just before a band of Huns and ended up needing to evacuate the town to avoid the slaughter.

Clara had gone to shower off the sweat and grime of the adventure and to catch up on the work she'd brought. After returning to the console room nearly two hours later, she was a bit surprised to not see the Doctor there. It was a rare occasion for the Doctor to spend any real time around the other areas of the ship. He was always tinkering with something or another in the console room, probably just trying to make sure his old girl would quit on him. He alone had been piloting her for over nine-hundred years. Clara couldn't think of any machine that would last even half that long.

Alone, Clara did her best to curl up in one of the jump seats and pulled out her phone. She began scrolling through her photos when she came across a face she hadn't seen in what felt like ages; the Doctor. It was him from before he changed. She'd taken a selfie of them in Time Square when he had agreed to take her to modern day New York. Though he initially found the prospect boring, she found herself barely able to hold him still long enough for the photo as he dashed about the city trying to show it off. In the shot, he face was tucked just over her shoulder with his usual dopey grin as his feet were already beginning to drag him away. She slid over the screen a few more times till she came to a video of the interior of the Tardis.

"Okay, so the Doctor is going to try and teach me again how to fly the Tardis. But this time I am going to film it, so I don't forget."

"Y'know Clara, it really isn't that difficult if you just be a little nicer to the Tardis. She'll help you along."

"Doctor, I'm not going to talk to and stroke her like you do; it's just weird!"

"We're connecting! She takes me all over the place. The least—"

"What's that?" The Doctor interrupted the video as he came up the stairs from the hallways. He bent over her shoulder, "Is that me?"

Clara quickly closed the app before the Doctor could get a look, "No. It's nothing."

The Doctor stood back, a slight shadow falling over his face, "No, of course not. I forgot." Taking a deep breath, he turned away towards the controls, "Back home then? Things to do, people to see, kids to teach."

"Yeah, sure." Clara pocketed the phone, and the engines were already roaring. The ship landed, and Clara left without a look.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of the Tardis rang the next Wednesday again, but this time it was out in the yard. The Doctor hadn't done that in ages. Clara grabbed her things and made a quick dash down the many flights of stairs, across the lawn, and pushed open the little blue door.

"What'd you park way out here for? You're making me short of breath before we've even started," she said as she entered toward the console.

"Did I park further away?" came the reply somewhere out of sight, but that voice! It wasn't the one she expected. Up the stairway from underneath the console came the chin, floppy hair, and the ridiculous but beloved bowtie. It was the old Doctor. The young man who first showed up on her doorstep in monk robes and led her to the most impossible life she could have imagined. "I didn't think it was too far," he said in the old English voice. "Oh," he stopped, looking at the monitor, "I am a few feet further than normal. I didn't know that made much of a difference for you, but I will park closer next time. Hey! I could park right there in your flat! You'd barely have to take a step. All I'd need is some space, maybe in your lou—" The Doctor stopped, seeing her face. "What's wrong?"

Clara stood on the opposite side staring at the young face. She hadn't known this incarnation of the Doctor for very long, but he had easily become her best friend. The Doctor was still with her, picking her up every Wednesday, interrupting her classes unexpectedly, and never failing to prove he was still the same man. But it was difficult to always believe it. There had already been more than enough occasions where his secretive and often brash personality gave the impression of complete disregard for her, the most significant being the first day with the clockwork men. She came to just expect his plot twist tendencies and trust in her friend, despite all counteracting evidence. But to see him, the man she knew he was on the inside standing there before her—what relief! There was no reading in between the lines, no standoffish behavior, just pure honest love and kindness in every look and every touch. The thought was overwhelming.

"Doctor—" was all Clara managed to say before rushing at him to get a long-deserved hug. Despite catching him off-guard, he wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, one she had still not ever received from the other man. When the Doctor tried to pull away after a few seconds, Clara held tighter around his neck, tears pricking her eyes. "Oh no, you don't! I've gone far too long without a hug. You owe me this!"

The Doctor began slowly, "How long have I been away?"

Clara paused a moment in a debate of what she should say, but emotions overruled logic as she replied, "You haven't been away. You changed."

The Doctor immediately pushed her away, his eyes widening. "Clara, you're from the future? You can't tell me things like that! I can't—!"

"Oh, get off! Use a memory worm or something. I know you've got one around here somewhere. I just—I need—"

The Doctor took her back in arms again, rubbing his hand quickly over her shoulder. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry." He heaved a sigh, his eyes wide in confusion. "What's happened?"

Clara stepped back, "You changed. You changed! I know you're still you, but I miss your face; this face. The future you, he's—he doesn't hug, he insults me, he's rude. And he left me! Doctor, you left me! In danger! You asked me to help him, and I am, but I feel I'm traveling with someone else, not the Doctor." Clara turned and leaned on the console, burying her face in her hands. "I miss you."

The Doctor stepped away and began circling around the center of the ship, slowly fiddling with the dozens of buttons and switches of the console. He kept his eyes on Clara though. He didn't understand much of anything that was going on with his impossible girl at the moment, but if he gained anything from experience, he knew regenerations were always hard on his companions. However, he also didn't understand how he could undergo another change. Though there were forgotten faces and only partial regenerations, he had still run out of the times he could change. This was the end of the line, or at least it was supposed to be. Clara had somehow endured the complete remake of the Doctor, same as companions before, but despite his impression that she had already traveled for some time with the new incarnation, full acceptance was still a problem. So forget about forbidden knowledge of the future. His friend was in pain, and though unintentional and indirect, it was his fault and therefore his job to help.

"Right then," he said, striking the last key, "Here go."

The Tardis engine swelled as the lights and plates of Gallifreyan writing rotated. The familiar sound paired with the old face brought Clara a sense of peace in the midst of the emotion. It was nostalgic and comforting, like a reminiscent dream. The loud wheeze soon died down, signaling the ship's landing. The Doctor jumped from his place at the controls and dashed out the doors, his fine purple coat flailing behind. The doors left open, Clara could see a bright afternoon light shining in, accompanied by the sound of distant voices and streetcars. Stepping out, Clara found herself in the middle of London just next to the steps of Saint Paul's Cathedral. The Doctor stood at a distance facing the Tardis with his hands clapped at his chest. He wasn't necessarily smiling, but there was a twinkle in his eyes, letting Clara know he had a plan.

"Come on!" he said. Feeling lightened already, Clara jumped from the Tardis and joined the Doctor. As the two began down the street, he decided to speak up. "So what am I like—in the future?"

"Well, you're older."

"Oh, great!" exclaimed the Doctor, a scowl coming over his face. "I've been old far too many times! Why can't I just be young?"

"Well, but you're not young," Clara pointed out.

"Yeah, but I can still look it." They went quiet for a moment as they entered the main floor of a complex building before the Doctor added, "Grey and lines?"

Clara laughed, remembering his same horror on their phone call shortly after the regeneration. "Y'know, I think I even see more of them each time I see you," she teased as he rolled his eyes. "But they're not so bad. The eyebrows do give your chin a run for its money, but… I don't know, I feel I see the you underneath it all more often with the new face. There's no hiding under pretences and stuff."

The pair entered a lift, and the Doctor hit the second to top floor. "So what's the problem then?"

Clara sighed. What was the problem exactly? She missed the young face and the joy and comfort it gave her with every look. Knowing the Doctor in the future, however, she seemed to be able to read him through and through. That's a huge part of growing a close friendship. But seeing behind the veil, no more pretending… the lighthearted innocence from before no longer existed. Instead, it was replaced with the weight and pain she now saw he carried with every look; the pain of what was, what is, and what is still to come.

The bell rang, and the doors opened. She turned to the Doctor, "I know the burdens you carry. I see the old man be completely real with me every day and I miss the lighthearted spirit you used to have. Your young face, dashing about, and childish games. But is this—are you—just a facade? Is there never anything really there behind the curtain? Am I now just seeing the Doctor for who he really is?"

The Doctor heaved a sigh before stepping from the lift with Clara following behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Looking around, Clara noticed they were standing in the modern cafe with the deck that overlooked the Shard. This was where they first fought The Great Intelligence together during her very first meeting with the madman. Out on the deck with coffee and a computer, the Doctor and Clara Oswald released the minds of all the people trapped in the wifi matrix back to their bodies. And the rest was history.

The Doctor turned to the right towards the counter where a waiter was arranging cakes while Clara walked out on the balcony to the left. At the edge, she leaned on the railing next to the same table where they once worked, looking out at the rooftops. If she closed her eyes, it could be the very same day again. The thrill of the adventure and the mysteries of the strange man with his magic box—it was all so exciting!

Clara thought back to her current Doctor, with his fierce eyebrows, his Scottish banter, and his tired heart. It surprised her so much when he had come back with coffee three weeks late and immediately asked if he was a good man. She never knew any of his previous companions, but she knew she had never seen him be so completely honest and terrified before. Though she wasn't able to console him that day, she noticed the mad old man seemed to think just a little clearer with her by his side. And if he ever didn't, she made sure to do something about it! He needed her. With the young Doctor, all it would take was one of his big hugs or sudden kisses on the forehead to make Clara soar. She could do whatever needed again and again if only for that small stamp of approval. Though she never thought of herself as a shallow girl falling for every pretty boy who'd give her the time of day, she could never deny herself the fact that she once fancied the man in the bowtie. But of course, as he clearly stated, he wasn't her boyfriend. Though she would never take to being his assistant, the amount of trouble he made for her was often just frustrating, with little viable gratitude to make it worth it. Was he really so cold? Was the young face just the cock of the finger to lure her in?

"Coffee's here," said the Doctor as he set down the tray of drinks and scones on the table. Clara took her old seat and began picking at the food. "Can I be honest with you, Clara?" he asked. Clara nodded with large eyes. "I'm old. Really old, and I feel it every moment though I don't want to."

"Why's that?"

The Doctor heaved a sigh, "I don't know. Call it a midlife crisis if you like. I suppose it's like working in a daycare. All the children, young and hopeful. Though you may not actually be that old among other adults, those children see how much more you carry on your heart, every line on your face, every slow movement. And you just… feel time on you. But with them, perhaps, you can be a child too, and you can share their hope and wonder and run as fast and never tire. Just as long as you're with them, then maybe you're not as old and beaten as you know you are.

The Doctor paused, "I care for you, Clara. You are under my care, and I will protect you till my last breath, but I believe you have now hit a time when I need caring. I have entrusted you with that responsibility. Take it or leave it, Clara, but that is not something I would readily give to anyone and he—your Doctor—he needs it. He needs you."

"So the hugs, the friendship that you and I always had was that just pretending? Acting you were okay when you were really just… tired."

The Doctor readjusted his seating and popped a muffin piece in his mouth, "I don't know everything about some new face's personality, but I do know that I am most definitely tired. And if your Doctor has accepted his place in life, then good on him. He's braver than me. And if his personality is less outwardly affectionate, then his acceptance just looks quite different than if it were this face. But, know this, Clara Oswald, he cares just as much, if not more. We're the same person, but at different points in life and that alone is enough to change a person."

The rest of the time passed mostly in silence, with Clara recounting a little story here or there. She missed the ease with which they talked. The ability to tease and make him blush always delighted her. As the afternoon died down, the buzz of her mobile began the call to an end. Looking at the caller ID, Clara noticed it was the Tardis phone.

"Speakin' of him," she smiled, turning the screen towards the Doctor. He smiled as she answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Clara," came the Scottish Doctor's voice, "where are you? I just came by to pick you up, but you're not here. There's this great planet I want to take you to. An entire civilization underwater that you can breathe in. You'll want to be sure to bring some good clothes for it though as they do still tend to float around.

"Yeah, sorry. I was out for coffee.

"With P.E.?"

"No. Look, I'm at Saint Paul's Cathedral. Can you pick me up here? It's…" Clara glanced at her phone, reading 4:49. "Five o'clock."

"London, five o'clock, Saint Paul's. I'll be there in three seconds," the Doctor stated, the sound of coordinance already filling the background.

Clara hung up and smiled at the Doctor sitting across from her. "That'll give us a little time. Come on." The pair left the cafe and made their way back onto the street, holding hands just for a moment as they navigated through the people. They arrived at the steps of the church with two minutes to spare.

The Doctor turned and spoke first, "Are you going to be okay?"

Clara smiled, "Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm gonna be just fine. But thank you. I think I just needed a little more time to say goodbye."

"Well, I'm not really gone. I'm coming to pick you up," the Doctor glanced at his wristwatch, "any moment now, probably. And hey, Clara, even if I do something stupid again like leaving you behind, don't you ever worry. You're my impossible girl; I'm not ever gonna forget you."

Clara gave a nod of her head, "I'll hold you to that." The old groaning of the Tardis engines sounded, blowing leaves about just around the other side of the building's steps.

"Clara?" came the predicted call, though the owner of the voice was still out of view.

"Hey," the young Doctor ducked his head to meet Clara's eyes. "Help out an old man, will you Clara?" She nodded, her voice a bit thick to respond reliably. The Doctor cupped her head as he planted a gentle kiss on her hair then took a step back. "Geronimo." And with that, he turned and walked away.

"Clara!" She heard the familiar gruff voice of Doctor shout behind her. With a turn, there he was all Scottish, cross, and old, but most importantly, in need. "Who was that? Bowtie guy from the school?"

"What? Oh, yeah. Adrian. He had some—work stuff to go over with me. Sorry."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather go out with him instead of P.E.? He seems much more your type."

Clara smiled, thinking about the bowtie-wearing man walking off behind them. "Nah. I'm good. 'Sides, if I ever want a change of company I've got you, yeah?"

As the two started towards the Tardis, the Doctor took a glance back and caught a glimpse of a familiar chin. "Was this… Is this that day?"

"Hm? What day?"

"You needed help. I broke some rules I think, but I had to."

"Doctor—did you—?"

"The memory worm didn't work entirely." He paused, looking nervous. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Clara responded, keeping eye contact with a gentle smile. "I just realized how much I enjoy seeing your face." She reached up, cupping his new cheek for the first time. To her surprise, he actually leaned into her hand a bit. "Now come on, I believe you promised me a new planet."

 **Sorry for taking so long to install the last chapter. School started back up, and I wasn't able to stay ahead as much as I wanted to. Thank you for reading my story! Please review it if you will. I'm trying to grow in my writing, so any supportive comments you can give would be extremely helpful!**


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